As I write this, please know that I am speaking to myself as much as to all of you! 

When I was young people told me that love can cause the greatest division of all: that of the heart and the mind. I always assumed that they were talking about romantic love, so when both my mind and heart were on the same page when I fell in love with my now husband- I felt one of the lucky ones! 

Little did I know… 

Being a full time working mama is a constant battle between your mind and your heart, your intellectual well-being and your emotional one. 

Going to work it’s tough on my heart, but staying at home would be tough on my mind. 

Can there be a balance? 

Hmm I doubt it! To find a balance would mean to be at your 100% constantly in both worlds. The truth is, I don’t think it’s possible! Because we can switch hats as much as we want but once we are dedicated to these two things, they will always be part of one another.  

A part of me will always think about whether Noah drank his bottle and took his nap while at a work meeting – just as I will always respond to a work urgent email while playing with him. 

It’s human nature, and if someone tells you mama that they have struck the perfect balance and can switch off being a mom while at work and vice versa – I would seriously have an integrity check with them; because this facade of a super-person it’s no longer sticking! 

The truth is, this is all a struggle… a beautiful, wonderful, marvelous… struggle. Between team meetings and vaccines, never ending emails and what teether to choose, the only solution I seem to find is to embrace it all! 

I love my job, I love the idea of working, I love how being in a working environment makes me feel… but I also love Noah tremendously, I miss him so incredibly much every minute I am away and the fear that I will mess him up by “not being present” or that I will miss major milestones constantly keeps creeping in. I know you have felt it too… mom guilt it’s real, oh my, how truly real it is! 

 

 

But it’s at these moments that I need to tell myself, just like you need to tell yourself, what lies these are. Being a working mom doesn’t make you an absent one just like being a mom doesn’t lower your qualifications as a professional. 

I need to constantly remind myself that what Noah deserves to receive the best version of me, even if for less hours during the day. He should get my active, energetic, focused self, which I know I wouldn’t be If I would stay at home all the time. Just like being Noah’s mom actually motivates me to perform so much better at my job because I want to be a role model for him and teach him how hard work, commitment and motivation are so important in life. 

Working is an economic necessity also! And trust me, the psychological stress you would endure from the idea of not being able to provide for your child, is so much more damaging to them compared to the work hours during which you are not physically present. 

Therefore dear working mama, give yourself a hug and find comfort in the idea that you truly are doing the best you can for your baby(ies)! You show your love, even by embracing the gorgeous mess of home-work misbalance. And you will always, always be your baby’s place of comfort and security, you are their home, never allow anyone (including yourself) convince you of the opposite.